Yet many of us harbor an obsession with backsides and many a psychologist has had a field day wondering why we care so much about them. Freud guessed at an anal stage and ways some of us may never have grown out of it. Without configuring mirrors just right or years of practicing yoga bends so you can look closely behind you, you barely know your butt. Butts are a bit like those cards. Your butt is yours, high or low.
They see yours and not theirs. Men now and perhaps always think of women in two radically different ways. On the one hand women are human beings. On the other, they are toys or status symbols. Men today have access to free porn in overwhelming quantity. A fair amount of that porn focuses on butts. The way to her status symbol object-hood is through the parts she feels most treasured yet knows least well. If a man thinks of a woman as a treasure to be acquired, a pricey and valuable toy, then booty becomes a double entendre.
To some extent women must see men the same two ways, as fellow humans and as objects or symbols. Then consider what to do about it.
Seeing women in these two ways must confuse the bejesus out of them, raising challenging questions about the best life strategy for living around and with us. The more a man sees a woman as an object or toy the more respect he shows but the less respect he feels.
Very rarely do any of us, male or female, leave respect and affirmation shown to us un-embraced despite our best efforts to discipline ourselves to think about whether the respect shown is trustworthy and authentic.
A few women dismiss all flattery for their toylike features. Most appreciate and even gravitate toward it, trying to sustain it as long as they can. Women by now recognize this trend. Even the prettiest young woman sees men leaving their wives for younger women, always with some explanation. Often, in part because as the toy gets older the man has less incentive to continue working to grow together. His fascination with her as a toy subsidized his commitment to her and then the subsidy ends.
Divorce was rare and socially shameful. Women were dependent on men for income, which made it harder and more cruel to divorce them. Men would stay post toyhood, and still do.
A courtship that may have started with infatuation with the woman as toy, grows into a deeper more sustainable bond, two people seeing each other as human beings loving each other for more sustainable reasons. Earning their own income, women today are freer to leave when a man stops showing sufficient respect. But then men too feel less depended upon.
Women are equals, we think, so love is between two consenting adults both free to leave should the spirit move them. I see four basic strategies available to women: Marry young when your toyhood is in its prime, and stay married through thick and thin.
Eventually both you and your partner will be so domesticated to each other that parting becomes implausible, a reason to stay together and appreciate each others humanness. Have a plan B that feels good enough to shift into position as Plan A should your partner depart. Never respond to toy-flattery. Of course this may not cover all the possibilities.
Live with the complex as unchangeable. Even celebrate it as many men do. Treat women as both humans and toys, sending often-confusing messages. Lead a double life, honoring women as humans, in your day to day activities. Work to overcome the complex. Learn to treat women only as human beings, never as toys. I noticed that meeting as potential friends first and foremost cools romantic potential and frustrates women.
The boundary between the two if there even is one is drawn through terra incognita. I love the social sciences for the way they compel us to think as neutrally as possible about sensitive subjects, exploring, for example our own buttheadedness.