Lack of creativity, boredom 6. Repressed anger and hostilities Sexual responsiveness is a sensitive barometer.
Intimacy requires self-awareness and a willingness to remove obstacles. Taking action can help you achieve a loving, erotic relationship. On a daily basis, train yourself to be more mindful about getting rest and pacing yourself. Though family, work, and other demands can intrude on making time for sexual energy, being dedicated to self-care can help you prioritize it in your relationship. To cure self-doubts, you need to be solution-oriented. For more complex issues such as fear of intimacy, reach out to a therapist or a friend for insight.
While exploring your fears, be kind to yourself. Such sweetness allows you to mend wounds and reclaim your sexual power. Explore Sacred Play Orgasm is the crown jewel of surrender. You tap into the primordial flow of life as well as release tension.
The more surrendered you are, the more ecstatic the orgasm. Sex and orgasms are an intrinsic part of being human.
For me, these are the great rewards of having a body! The World Health Organization estimates that at least a hundred million acts of intercourse take place each day worldwide. Imagine if even half of these were motivated by love—what ecstasy would surround the planet! On average, American couples have sex two times per week. The average male orgasm lasts ten seconds and a female orgasm is twenty seconds or longer. I could hardly believe the national polls revealing that nearly 50 percent of women report having orgasms infrequently or not at all during intercourse.
These statistics highlight a glaring reluctance many of us have to be honest with our partners about our sexual energy exchanges. What is an orgasm? How could this miracle ever be just one thing? It involves physical, emotional, spiritual, and energetic surrenders. In men, orgasm typically occurs from stimulating the penis; in women, from stimulating the clitoris or the sacred G-spot in the vagina. These parts of our body are marvelously sensitive due to a high density of nerve fibers. Caressing them activates pleasure centers in the brain.
Your body shifts gears. Your heart rate increases. Blood rushes to your genitals, making them swell. At climax men, and some women, ejaculate. You experience waves of pleasure, stress evaporates, and a warm glow permeates your body. Your biology wants you to relax into a blissful surrender through the sexual energy between two people.
Emotions play a different role in orgasm for men and women. I am reluctant to stereotype genders, but for women emotional intimacy and trust are often more necessary in order to feel safe enough to let go—though of course physical attraction is essential too. Orgasms are easier when we feel treasured. If we feel criticized, unappreciated, or rushed it can be difficult, if not impossible, to surrender during sex. In contrast, men are more biologically wired to prioritize orgasm over an emotional connection or even trust.
Physical attraction may be all that it takes to climax. Nevertheless, there are also many loving, sexy men who are emotionally sensitive, responsive, and in no hurry at all. The Erotic Ecstasy of Foreplay Foreplay is an opportunity for couples to arouse and nurture each other though women seem to crave it more. The average man can have an orgasm within a few minutes or less.
Women may need up to twenty minutes of foreplay. Ideally, of course, neither partner hears a clock ticking. Many couples I treat are in paradise letting sexual energy tension mount before intercourse without any sense of time. Foreplay lets them feel close, explore, play, prolong the ecstatic pangs of arousal.
I liken foreplay to tuning a musical instrument. Then foreplay never just feels like work. During foreplay it needs to be manually or orally stimulated unless the angle of your bodies happens to be just right, which is less likely. Couples must know this so they can mutually pleasure each other.
Then they can plan erotic interludes to leisurely enjoy each other during a sexual energy exchange and the pleasures their bodies have to offer. To enhance foreplay, try the next exercise to awaken your senses and let go to pleasure. Surrender to Your Senses Set aside uninterrupted time to playfully experiment.
Begin to relax by breathing deep and slow. We habitually breathe shallowly to temper sexual and other feelings. I want you to sense, not think, to be fully in your body. Start with the face, neck, chest, breasts, and the heart area, gradually making your way down to the genitals. Repeat delicate, circular motions over these areas. They respond to a light touch. Revel in the sensations. Select a few foods, herbs, or spices that have zing.
Arrange them on a plate. My favorites are papaya, peppermint, and honey. To heighten your sense of taste, I suggest wearing an eye mask or a loose blindfold, perhaps made from a silk scarf. Then, with eyes covered, have your partner offer you each selection one by one. The tongue is a sensual miracle of sensations.
Let the pleasure of taste spread throughout your body. Allow it to arouse every pore. It is an intimate and important part of sexual energy, one that can turn you off or on. Let a blindfold accentuate your exploration of this sense.
One patient, a full-time mom, gets a sensual lift from a few whiffs of lavender or gardenia oil during the day, and she keeps them handy in her desk and car. Test out various scents. See how your body responds to the aromas of different herbs, oils, or perfumes.
Use them as a sensual refresher. Play with movement and rocking. Experiment with moving your bodies together to build sexual energy. Rocking your bodies while holding each other can be extremely sensual. Also, when you first see each other after being apart, a long, silent embrace or hug combined with rocking is arousing.
Dancing or spontaneous free-form movements are beautiful too. Tune in to nature. Thunderstorms, mist, rainbows, wind in the woods—enjoy whatever moods of nature excite you. Let them arouse your body. Be aware of colors, textures, sounds. Sensuality can be transmitted from nature to you, a spontaneous osmosis if you allow it to happen. Exploring each other is never just a one-time event. Experiment with what gives you both goose bumps, tingles, or surges of warmth. Notice how your body feels, all of it.
This lets you experience more pleasure and intimacy. Sexual energy gets transmitted to your partner, affecting his or her well-being. Your energy fields overlap, conveying both joy and despair even during brief hookups.
From that perspective, there is no such thing as casual sex. I want you to be. During orgasm ordinary boundaries blur. In the best of situations, orgasm is an exchange of energy that blesses both partners. Tantra is a potent Hindu system that teaches the art of erotic love by combining sex and spirit.
Westerners often see sex as linear, the goal being orgasm, but tantra views sexual love as a sacrament and an energy exchange between two people. Using specific positions, you move erotic energy upward from the genitals to nourish and purify your whole being. Energy is emitted through the eyes: Eye contact is a way to stay connected to your partner.